


Fixing What's Broken

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-12
Updated: 2004-08-12
Packaged: 2019-02-05 18:54:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12800244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: None





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Dedication: To Kaz, who is having a bad day thanks to Yahoo. 

 

Author's Notes: Up to BtVS Season 5 and "Narcissus in Chains". The only change I am making is that Nathaniel did not become Anita's pomme de sang in my world. 

 

 

 

Nathaniel stepped into the club, through the front door because he had been unable to get anyone to answer at the back. He nodded to the doorman, walking down the short hall that separated the front door from the actual entertainment section of Guilty Pleasures. Music was blasting, a song he recognized as being one of Stephen's. That meant that there were still a few more sets before he needed to get on stage. That was good. He wasn't feeling too well that night, anyway. Just wanted to get it all over with so he could go home and rest. 

 

Alone. 

 

He frowned. At one point in his life he had had a bed partner every single night. There had been women that would have happily stood in a line just to sleep next to him, much less receive all of the numerous pleasures he knew how to deal out. Then there were the dominants that he had been partnered with at one time or another. That was through now. He couldn't be trusted by the members of his own pard to not allow someone to hurt him beyond repair and Anita had forbidden him to date anyone except those that she had approved first. 

 

Problem was that she wasn't really 'approving' anyone. He had to admit that he hadn't put that many candidates before her, but the ones that he had given over for review had been rejected in less than a day's time. Too sadistic. Likes to play with knives. The list of excuses went on and on. He knew it was in his best interest, and he did owe Anita his life. But it was getting lonely. Too long had he been the bottom to someone else's top - he didn't know how to get along in life for this long without someone there to hold his hand, someone there to tell him what to do. It wasn't a healthy state of mind. No, it was a very sad and pathetic one, he knew. But it was all he had. 

 

He rounded the corner, his eyes adjusting immediately to the darker lighting of the room. Strobe lights were flashing on the stage in shades of red and blue. They mixed to form a purplish haze at times, coinciding with the more emphatic points in Stephen's music. From the looks of the money shoved into the werewolf's g-string, he was doing very well tonight. The crowd was going wild for him and, not for the first time, Nathaniel was deeply glad that he never followed Stephen's performance. It was too hard to go on after him. Most of the other dancers couldn't make a performance bring in fifty dollars if they went on after Stephen. He was a showstopper, for sure. 

 

Violet eyes scanned the crowd, searching for a certain someone unconsciously. Would she be here yet? With his own performance still twenty minutes or more away. He passed over the front of the club, the part near the stage. She never sat there. Not once. Finally he found her, in the back at a table most people avoided because it was just too far away from the action. He let his eyes roam over her, wondering what caused her to spend this much time at the club. 

 

Every night she came in, usually sitting in the back, though the middle would do in a pinch if she couldn't get a table further away. The wait staff said she always ordered the same thing - a glass of the house Chardonnay, and nothing else. He knew it was naïve to think that she came here each night to see him, but that was the feeling he got. And he had found himself dancing as though it were for her alone more and more. She intrigued him. Each night he'd come by her table as he made his way through the audience during his set. She'd slip a ten into his g-string, her fingers soft as velvet on his skin. And then, afterwards when he'd place a light kiss on her cheek, she'd give him another five. 

 

It was like that every night. 

 

He noted absently that she didn't seem too interested in Stephen's performance, in fact she seemed downright bored with it. Her eyes flickered from the glass in front of her to the stage, and then back to the glass. It was a reaction so different from the other women in the club that he had to laugh. Stephen would no doubt feign insult if he knew there was a woman that found him to be, well, boring. She looked so alone sitting there, staring down at the wine in her glass as she swished it gently around the inside of the crystal. 

 

He made a decision then. 

 

Slipping through the back of the club, past the tables filled with cheering women, he found himself standing next to her table. She was still playing with the wine, her face downfallen and filled with an emptiness he thought he could understand. He'd at least like to try to. It seemed such a shame that a beautiful woman like herself was sitting here like she had no friends in the world. Beautiful didn't quite cover what he felt about her. She was stunning, in a haunting way. Her skin was a refreshing pale shade, far different from the tanned models that were all the rage in current times. Straight red hair fell around her face, framing a face that was utterly adorable. He knew from previous nights that her eyes were a sparkling shade of emerald green, though those eyes were currently focused solely on her wine glass. "Mind if I sit down?" 

 

Her head came up, eyes widening when she saw who was standing there. "S-Sure." 

 

Nathaniel smiled, lowering his duffel bag to the floor next to the table and pulling out one of the empty chairs. Behind him Stephen was finishing up his set. Next would be one of the vampires doing some sort of eye thing. It wasn't a strip tease, but it was still a hit at the club. "So - I've seen you every night for a week. I'm guessing you know my name. But I don't know yours. 

 

"Willow." She gave him a half-smile, tilting her head in acquiescence. "My name is Willow." 

 

"Pretty name." He let the comment go for what it was; opting not to add on any one of numerous cheesy pick up line that normally would come after it. The soft smile on her face didn't match the sadness in her eyes. He knew that look. It was one wore most of the time, as if you were trying to make the world think everything was okay when really you were broken apart. A look like that spoke volumes without her every saying a word. She had been hurt, badly. And not in a physical way, either. 

 

So why did he feel like he needed to fix it? Him - the wereleopard with an unhealthy taste for pain who couldn't even say 'no' to stop himself from getting hurt. Why did seeing that look on her face make him want to be something more. A part of him remembered what it was like to be assertive, in control. He hadn't always been this broken. No - that was Gabriel's fault. And Raina's. They had broken him, flipped switches in his head that he didn't know how to turn off again. Through them he had learned the horrifying truth of the term 'brain washing'. Before them he had thought pain and dominance was just another kick. Something to play at. 

 

They had made it his life. 

 

But this little red head couldn't be a top to him, no matter how attracted he was to her. She needed someone to take care of her, it was obvious in her eyes, her mannerisms. Something had happened to make her hurt in her mind, her soul. He wanted to fix it if he could. To make her whole. 

 

"So - come here often?" 

 

"Too much." She murmured, an embarrassed blush creeping across her face. It was the same blush he got every night when he kissed her cheek, the type of blush that made her seem so much more innocent and young than being in this club would allude to. 

 

He chuckled. "If you think you come here too much, why do you still come?" 

 

She thought on that for a moment, her eyes returning to the clear liquid swirling about the inside of the wine glass. "Because its something better than being alone?" 

 

"Someone as beautiful as you shouldn't be alone." He whispered, unsure if she even heard him. Her eyes slowly turned back to him, wide with surprise. 

 

"Beautiful?" She laughed once, hard and bitter. "Beauty is only skin deep. On the inside I'm ugly." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"I don't want to talk about it with someone I don't know." 

 

Nathaniel grinned, leaning forward on the table, his elbows resting lightly on the white tablecloth. "I'm hardly a stranger. After all, you've seen me nearly naked all week long." He was proud of himself for being pushy about this, even though he knew it could blow up in his face at any moment. Power radiated across her skin, creating an aura that anyone sensitive enough could probably feel from a few feet away. She wasn't a shifter. Nothing so easy to handle as that. No, she was something else entirely. 

 

"You want to know why I'm ugly?" She whispered, her voice suddenly sad again. Not nearly as forceful and angry as she wanted to be. "I found my lover in bed with my best friend and you know what I did? I cursed them. They'll never be able to love again. I took that away from them in the heat of anger for what they did to me. And, you know what? I can't take it back. No matter how much I regret hurting them like that, even though they hurt me, too - I can't take it back. What's done cannot be undone. They'll never know love again. Why should I try?" 

 

Nathaniel sat back in his chair, looking at the red head strangely. Was that it? Sure, it was something pretty damn bad. But it wasn't like she had killed them. Most women he knew would have just killed their lover for that kind of transgression. Sure, most of the women he knew were lycanthropes and subject to certain fits of unconquerable rage, but he was assuming that the feeling ran true in normal human women as well. Of course, normal human women weren't capable of tearing a man apart with their hands, nor could they throw a curse as powerful as the one Willow had just admitted to. "They hurt you and you got back at them in the only way that made sense at the time?" 

 

"That's right." 

 

"And that means you have to suffer for the rest of your life?" He asked, genuinely curious. "You made a mistake. We all do. Did you learn from it." 

She laughed, bitter. "Yeah. I'll never curse anyone ever again without going away and thinking about it for a day or three." 

 

"Okay. So you learned from your mistake and you seem to be sorry for what you did. Doesn't that mean you can get on with your life?" He had been right, she was more broken that he was. More hurt inside. Definitely filled with more pain and self-loathing that he could ever imagine. 

 

"I wish." Willow sighed. Why was he doing this? Making her talk about something to painful, something that haunted her every night when she went to bed. 

 

Nathaniel smiled. "Wishing is a good step. Actually making it happen would be a better one, though." It was time for another spot of assertiveness. This had to be the last one, though. It was more than tiring to override his brain's natural conditioning to speak up and say what he felt. "Start by going out with me. 

Tomorrow night. I'm not dancing." 

 

He let the comment hang in the air. 

 

The red head bit her lip, her green eyes meeting his violet ones. She exhaled a breath, nodding slowly. "I can do that. I guess." 

 

"Good. I've got to go get ready for my set. You'll be here when I'm done? So I can get your number?" He held his breath, hopeful. If she actually stayed around it would be a good sign. A sign that she was going to try and not run. He waited patiently for her to say the words he wanted so much to hear, knowing that if she did neither one of them had to be lonely much longer. He had never believed in love at first sight, but sitting there, talking to her, he could at least believe that the act of caring could begin that quickly. He cared for her, wanted her to be happy. And if he could make her happy, and fill the hole he had in his own life, all the better. At last she blinked, tearing her eyes from his as though she was giving up, giving in; and said the words he had been hoping for. 

 

"I'll be here."


	2. Fixing What's Broken

He had said that he would meet her outside of the club at eight o'clock. By seven-fifty Willow had begun to seriously regret her decision to give Nathaniel a chance. It wasn't that he had done anything wrong. No - he hadn't even showed up yet so there was no way he could have upset her. In whole, her reason for regretting her decision was due to her own internal struggles and damnations. She didn't deserve to be happy. Not after what she had done. How could she seek her own pleasure in life when she had done her best to make sure that two of the people she had once called friends would never again know what it was like to love? 

 

She could remember that day so clearly. It had only been two in the afternoon, still early for her to be home from school. But her last class had been canceled; the teacher was sick. She had been excited at the chance to go home and surprise Tara. But that's where her excitement had ended. The house had been quiet when she opened the door and she had made her way up the stairs and to the room she had shared for nearly half a year with her blonde haired lover. 

 

And that's when she had heard it. 

 

Moaning, whispering. The sounds of two people making love, having sex, fucking. It didn't matter the word that was used to describe it when it all boiled down to the same thing. Cheating. Lying. Betraying. Willow had stood outside the door for five minutes, listening to the two people on the other side. She recognized their voices without even opening the door and her anger and pain knew no bounds. So, when she finally did open the door, it was with a monumental amount of hatred backing her. Her worst fears were confirmed, Buffy in the arms of the one person Willow had thought would love her until the end of time. She could remember hearing their shocked exclamations, their pleading voices begging her to just 'understand' and not to be 'rash'. 

 

Unfortunately, she had been far past the 'rash' stage by that time. 

 

Summoning up all of her power, Willow had called upon Megaera, a vengeance goddess, to help her exact what she felt was a suiting punishment to those that had hurt her so badly. She had met their eyes, each in turn, as she whispered those damning words. "This curse I place upon you. Never to know the power of love. Never to bask in its warm rays ever again. Live your lives as those that are unloved, unwanted. You are betrayers, the foulest of humans. Live knowing that you will never again feel the passion you felt today." 

 

And, in a light show so dramatic it left Willow blinded for almost a full minute, the curse was brought down upon the woman she had once called her best friend and the one that she had called her soulmate. She had left them there, in bed together, knowing that now they couldn't seek consolation from each other. They would be reviled for what they were. Hated. 

 

And, for a while, it had been enough to allow Willow to cope with what had happened. Xander had been furious with Buffy and Tara; but in the end he hadn't been able to deal with what Willow had done to them out of vengeance. Anya had been pleased - hell, she had even gotten another offer from D'Hofryn for a job working as one of his vengeance demons. But that didn't stop the guilt she had felt inside. It had eaten at her from the inside out, destroying the life she had made for herself in Sunnydale. Slowly Xander stopped talking to her, and even Anya's once a week visits hadn't been enough anymore. Buffy and Tara were outcasted from their group, but Willow still heard about how they were faring. It was hard not to in such a small town. They walked and talked like they were living, but there was something missing from them. Willow knew what it was, it was the one thing she had taken from them. Love and the ability to care. And that just made her guilt all the worse. 

 

So she did the one thing she could think of to get her away from all of the memories of everything she had done, everything she had lost. 

 

She left. 

 

'And here I am.' Willow thought bitterly. 'St.Louis. More than a thousand miles from Sunnydale. Waiting outside a strip club for my favorite piece of eye candy to take me out.' She snorted. 

 

It was funny, in a deeply ironic way, how things had turned out for her once she left Sunnydale. She had gotten a day job doing computer consulting work for a local company, a firm that specialized in animation. From what she had gathered they were one of the best in the country. She couldn't attest to that - the only person she had ever met from the company was the owner. Her work was done from home and he sent her a check every two weeks. He paid her well. Both for the work she did and for keeping quiet about what she saw in their files. 'Paranoid little man.' She smirked. He was deathly afraid they'd lose their edge over the other, larger, animating firms around the US. Slim chance. The research Willow had done online after getting the job had indicated that Animators, Inc. boasted the single best animator in the entire country. Anita Blake. A woman so powerful she was the bogeyman of the supernatural world. 

 

Willow hoped to one day meet her. 

 

She didn't really remember the night she had first stumbled upon Guilty Pleasures, a supernatural strip club in the part of town distastefully called the 'Blood District'. It was run by a vampire, the Master of the City. That should have made her stay away. She didn't really want to be around vampires, but there was something about the club, the staff, and the people that went there, that made her feel a little less alone. She hadn't seen Nathaniel that first night. But he was there the second time she came. 

 

Whatever she had seen in his light violet eyes that first night had been what prompted her to come back. It had been something similar to what she felt inside herself, a sense of loss that was too profound to put words to. What had he lost? She wondered often, each night when she came to see him dance. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever thought to approach him. Not a single fantasy had ever occurred to her in which he came up and made conversation with her. She came each night to watch him move, to look into those haunted eyes and see someone who might actually understand; without ever feeling like he would really understand if he knew what she had done. 

 

But then last night had happened. 

 

And she had been floored. 

 

He had come to her table, engaging in conversation with her. His eyes had been so worried for her, and it had seemed like for those moments that he could see into her soul. She had told him what she had done, despite the fact that it was a crime that could land her in jail. Cursing was a dangerous thing, something not to be played with. And she had cursed two people irrevocably. Yet she had still told him, warned him in a way that she wasn't someone that he wanted to get to know - though she had hoped against hope that he would decide differently for himself. 

 

To her surprise, he had. In a blinding moment of judgment he had decided that she was worth getting to know and that, despite everything she had done, he wanted to be the one getting to know her. He wanted to take her on a date, even. She had hesitated then, wondering if he was being serious. When it was clear that he was she had hesitated again, not because he was a lycanthrope, she had no problem with that. But because he was a man and, aside from the fact she liked to watch them dance, she hadn't had any feelings for a man in a long, long time. She had sat there while he watched, searching within herself to see if it would even be possible for her to allow herself to care for him if she could ever forgive herself for what she had done to Buffy and Tara. The last thing she wanted to do was lead him on if men were still distasteful to her. 

 

So the third 'miracle' of her night had occurred - she had decided that he was worth a shot. 

 

And so here she was, waiting; sitting on the hood of her car for him to make an appearance. Only five minutes left until he was officially late and ruined her entire second chance with the male sex. She blew a piece of hair out of her face, arms crossed, as she looked around the parking lot. Women were pouring into the club in a near-steady stream. The night's entertainment would just be starting. Another hour or so and the place would be packed full of screaming, hormonal women. But she wouldn't be one of them tonight. It was the first night in a couple weeks that she wouldn't be in there, trying to feel like she was part of society again. Tonight she was going out for dinner and a movie. Sure, it was with one of the dancers from the club, but that was beside the point. It was a start, at least. 

 

She tugged at the hem of her tank top, making sure that the light pale green cloth covered as much of her skin as was possible. This had been the only item in her closet that she had considered even remotely date-like, sparking in her mind the idea that she had been trying a little too hard to avoid any type of friend, or boyfriend, inspiring contact. The black jeans she was wearing were practically new, not faded in the least. A part of her hoped that Nathaniel thought she looked good, while another part of her was sure that it would be much easier if he just lost interest here and now. She didn't deserve this chance he was giving her. He'd come to that conclusion eventually, too. 

 

A flash of movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned her head, hiding a smile at the sight of Nathaniel making his way across the parking lot to her. His long auburn hair had been braided, the thick length swinging back and forth behind him as he walked. The sapphire blue shirt he was wearing looked like silk, and went perfectly with the blue jeans he was wearing. She had never been a fan of silk on a man until that moment. It looked good on him. Not too feminine, not to frilly. 

 

"You're here." He made it sound like a question. 

 

"Did you really think I wouldn't be?" Willow asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

 

"I had wondered." He admitted, holding out a hand to help her down from the hood of her car. 

 

"Me too." Now she was smiling outright. Why did being around him make her feel so good when she knew she didn't deserve it? She allowed herself to be led across the parking lot, to his waiting car. He held the door open for her, waiting until she was seated to shut it. Such a gentleman. 

 

Maybe for tonight she could just allow herself to have fun. 

 

Perhaps.


	3. Fixing What's Broken

"So - where are we going?" 

 

Nathaniel gave her a small smile, it was apologetic. "I have to take you to meet someone before we anywhere. And then, after that, this little diner near the movie theater and then any movie you like. Your choice." 

 

Willow frowned, giving him an odd look. "Who do I have to go meet?" 

 

He had the good grace to blush at that, aware that this was going to look strange to her. A sigh passed his lips, sad and resigned. Best to just tell her. "You know what I am, right?" 

 

"Shifter." Willow shrugged. It didn't bother her. Did he really think it would? Maybe she should tell him about Oz. Or maybe not. Best not to bring up that little bit of ancient history. "Not sure what kind, though." 

 

Nathaniel nodded. "Wereleopard, if you care to know." 

 

She smiled brightly. "Great. Cats and I get along -real- well." On an impulse she gave him a wink. She blushed scarlet immediately afterwards, shocked at her own daring. 

 

"Glad to hear it." He chuckled. The sound was low and sexy, the kind that had sent all of his past lovers into fits of shivering delight. She was no exception he saw from the corner of his eye. "I have to take you to meet the leader of our local group before I can go out with you. She has to okay you. I've had -" He paused, unsure of how to phrase what needed to be said without making himself seem too odd on the first date. Surely he would tell her all about his lurid past at some point, but not tonight - not before they even made it to dinner. "I've had problems in the past with some of the women I've dated." 

 

"So - your 'leader' is like an overprotective parent I take it?" 

 

"You could say that." 

 

"That's cool, I guess." It was, too. He had people that cared for him enough to make sure he wasn't going to date anyone that would hurt him or be detrimental to him. At one time she had had friends like that. The kind that would threaten anyone she had wanted to date with bodily harm if they ever hurt her. It had been cute. And then one of those friends had stabbed her in the back, ripped her heart out and done a Mexican hat dance on it. Life certainly sucked sometimes. 

Nathaniel saw Willow tense up out of the corner of his eye and sighed. It was a look he had come to associate with her and deep thinking. It was also one of the last looks he wanted to see on her pretty face tonight. He wanted to see her be happy, joyous even if it were possible. "Stop that." 

 

"Stop what?" Willow asked, giving him a hesitant smile, as though she could cover up what was happening in her mind, in her heart. 

 

"Thinking so hard." 

 

She laughed. "You want me to stop thinking?" 

 

"No - just stop thinking so hard. Let go of the things that make you frown - just for tonight. Be happy." He pulled to a stop in front of Anita's house, taking a moment to send up a silent prayer that things would go well. He liked Willow, despite the fact that she confused him. She touched something inside of him that he thought had died years before - the part of him that actually wanted to be something other than a bottom. He wanted to be strong for her, to pull her out of the funk she was in. 

 

Maybe through her he could learn to be whole again. 

 

"Now - don't be put off by them. Please. I know they may seem a little odd." His tone was pleading. "They're just trying to make sure - " 

 

"That you don't get hurt." Willow finished for him. She gave him a smile. "Like I said. It's cool. No worries." She did wonder who 'they' were, though. Hadn't he said he was just taking her to meet the leader of his local group of wereleopards? 'Maybe they all hand out together.' She conceded silently. 

 

Nathaniel nodded before stepping out of the car. He heard Willow's door shut and then she was at his side, patting him lightly on his arm. It was sweet, innocent - her trying to reassure him because he was nervous about Anita meeting her. At any other time it might have been amusing. Right now, though, he had to worry about what was about to happen. 

 

She followed quietly behind him to the door of the house, hoping that everything went well. She certainly didn't see anything about herself that would cause anyone, even an overprotective parent-like person, to disapprove of her. Not at first sight, anyway. It was doubtful they'd approve of her if they knew about her past, though. Better to keep that to herself if she actually -wanted- to go on this date tonight. 

 

'And do you -want- to go through with this?' She asked herself, waiting for the door to open. 'Do you actually want to go out and try to reclaim the life you have put off for so long?' 

 

The answer was yes, surprising even herself. 

 

The door opened and she plastered a smile on her face. It faltered almost immediately when she saw who was standing there. A face she recognized from pictures on the walls in the office she had only visited a few times since beginning her job. 

 

"Hi, Anita. This is Willow. Willow, Anita." Nathaniel introduced as his Nimir-Ra ushered them into the house. He could smell Cherry and Zane. Micah and Caleb, too. Though they were no where to be seen. Perhaps Anita had sent them out back or something to keep Willow from being bombarded. 

 

"It's nice to meet you at last." Willow grinned. At the confused look on the Executioner's face Willow snickered. "I'm Bert's computer expert." 

 

"A-ha!" Anita smirked. "So I have -you- to thank for that new piece of machinery on my desk." 

 

Willow blushed. "Bert said everyone has to be connected. Sorries." 

 

Anita shrugged. "It's okay. Not your fault at all. Bert's the one with all the whacked out plans. It's just your job to make them happen. He's told me good things about you." 

 

That only made Willow blush more. "Really? And to think he never really has a kind word to say when he's around me himself." 

 

"That's just the way he is." The petite woman's voice was comforting. She looked over Willow's shoulder at Nathaniel and nodded. This one would pass inspection. To even be hired by Bert she had had to undergo a series of background checks that would have turned up all by the sneakiest felon. And Anita just didn't get the idea that Willow was anything even remotely close to 'sneaky'. There was an aura of power about her, dampened by the girl's own shielding, that told her the woman was far more than just a computer expert. 

 

"So - I pass inspection?" The red head asked, arching an eyebrow, a playful smile on her face. 

 

"Yep - you'll do." Anita didn't comment on the fact that Willow apparently seemed to know why she had been brought here. She had a sneaking suspicion that the young woman was probably also aware of exactly what Nathaniel was. He hadn't said much about the young woman the night before when he had come home and told everyone that he would be bringing her by the next night for 'inspection'. Only that he felt a bond with her that he hadn't felt with anyone else in quite a while. Up until this moment that had worried Anita. 

 

But, after meeting the dainty little woman who seemed to be just this side of shy and timid, Anita didn't see what she could possibly have to worry about. Sure - danger often came in small packages and it was usually her nature to be wary of people who seemed *this* innocent but - The red head seemed so much like Nathaniel. The way she held herself spoke volumes alone. They both were hurting inside, though she doubted it was for the same reasons. 

 

"Thanks, Anita." Nathaniel murmured, brushing his fingers along her arm as he led Willow back outside. "I'll call you when I get home." 

 

Anita nodded, quietly watching them go. She hoped, for Nathaniel's sake, that he had found someone who was genuinely worth his time this once. Maybe this was what he needed to finally break out of the cycle of pain that Gabriel had taught him not even long ago. The red head certainly didn't seem to be into that type of thing, not from the looks of her anyway. She didn't hold her head in that manner that screamed 'I'm dominant'. 

 

And, lastly, she hoped for Willow's sake that the girl didn't do anything to deliberately hurt Nathaniel in -any- way.


	4. Fixing What's Broken

Two dates in one week. 

 

It had to be a record for her. 

 

Even before her little escapades into revenge magic she hadn't dated often. Certainly not this often, anyway. Something about Nathaniel made it impossible, or nearly so, to say no. She wasn't sure if it was just the sad look he tried to hide behind the happiness in his eyes. Or if it was the fact that she felt a kinship to him despite her better judgment. 

 

Whatever it was, she was out with him again. 

 

This time it was dancing. 

 

"I really, really suck at dancing." She protested softly, letting him pull her onto the floor anyway. It was packed with other couples, swaying gently to a slower song. Okay, so she didn't really need to do anything other than stand there in his arms and move back and forth. And, once she got started, she found she didn't want to stop. It was nice to be held; to wrap her own arms around someone and just feel them up against her. She was sad to hear the song end. The next was faster and she let him lead her into it, dancing recklessly close to him near the end, their bodies grinding together in a dance that was utterly sexual. 

 

"So - tell me about yourself." He said when they finally sat back down. The drinks they had ordered from the waitress were waiting on them and he took a sip of his hesitantly. Good. Just plain soda. He wasn't much for drinking and had been relieved to see that she wasn't either. Yet another thing they had in common. 

 

"Well," She began slowly. "My name is Willow. You already know that part." A grin slipped across her face. "I'm twenty years old and from Sunnydale - the rest of the world refers to it as the Hellmouth." 

 

"You lived there?" The Hellmouth was an anomaly in the supernatural world. A place where magic, and the creatures associated with magic, frequently went bad in ways that were beyond comprehension to the normal world. If ever there was a case for why things like lycanthropy and vampirism should be made illegal - Sunnydale was it. Come to think of it - wasn't there a bill making its way through Congress right now that involved banning anyone that was supernatural in nature from entering within a ten foot radius of that one city? 

 

Willow nodded. "Yup. My whole life. Well - up until I moved here, that is." 

 

Nathaniel nodded encouragingly, prompting her to continue. 

 

"Hmm... What else is there to tell? I'm a witch, though I guess you probably guessed that already. I work for Animators, Inc. as their computer guru. Pretty much means I get to work from home - I only go into the office to fix things once a week. It's a good job. Sort of boring, though. Not what I'm used to." 

 

"And what are you used to?" 

 

"Well, you know, back home we had to fight the bad things in the world. The demons and others that got out of hand. That's what my little group did - we righted the wrongs." She stopped, a lump forming in her throat. Buffy and Tara had also been a part of that group - Buffy had been the leader, had she not? And their 'group' had come to an end after that one day. The day she shouldn't have come home early. 

 

Seeing the look of sadness on Willow's face Nathaniel felt like kicking himself. Why was it that he always seemed to ask the questions that made her sad? He didn't mean to. All he wanted was to make her happy, to see her smile. So he decided on a quick change of topic. 

 

"Your turn, ask me anything you want." 

 

That took Willow aback. She had been sure that the wereleopard was even more secretive about his past than she was about hers. In her experience, most lycanthropes were like that. She took a moment to think about her question and then asked the one thing she had been dying to know since their first date. 

"Why does Anita *really* have to meet all of your dates before you go out?" 

 

She immediately felt bad for asking when his face fell, the sadness that had always been hidden behind his smile coming to the front. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." 

 

"No." He said, after a long moment. "You have a right to know. Especially if we're going to have anything like a normal relationship. Though - I don't know if you'll want to have anything to do with me after this." 

 

It was the first time he could remember ever feeling ashamed for what he was, for what he'd become. Looking into her sparkling green eyes, he could only pray that she would understand. 

 

"I'm not even sure how to start, really." 

 

Willow reached across the table, patting his hand gently. While she didn't want him to talk about anything that upset him, she was also very curious. What was it that he could have to say that could possibly make her not want to be around him anymore? Especially since he had been kind enough to forgive her of all of her faults. 

 

"My first alpha, Gabriel, was a sick, bad person." Nathaniel began slowly. "The pack's lupa, Raina, was just as sick. They were very much into pain and dominance. They taught all of us to live for it." 

 

He spoke for twenty minutes, telling her the story of his life in the pard before Anita became their Nimir-Ra. And then about the times afterwards, when he had almost died at Narcissus in Chains because he hadn't been strong enough to say 'No'. He told her about how much he wanted to be 'fixed'; to not be so broken anymore. And, at the end, she was still sitting there, still looking at him with the same amount of concern and compassion. 

 

"Do you still need it?" She asked quietly. "The dominance?" 

 

He shrugged. "I still crave it. 'Need' is a strong word. But I won't say that I *don't* need it. I may." 

 

Willow laughed softly. "Now those are games I've never played." 

 

He raised an eyebrow at her, surprised to see her take it so well. "You're not upset? Shocked? Anything?" 

 

"Should I be?" She asked carefully. "Do you want me to be? You have problems and so do I. You didn't get upset over mine. Why should I do that to you? You actually -want- to be better, and that's what matters." 

 

"But I may never be better, Willow." He sighed. "I want that to be understood between us." 

 

She nodded, giving him a smile. "We'll work on it together, then." 

 

It was music to Nathaniel's ears. 

 

"Just," She continued, giving him a playful grin. "Don't ask me to tie you down and beat you. Handcuffs - yes. Beating - no." 

 

He couldn't have been any happier if he tried.


	5. Fixing What's Broken

Nathaniel watched Anita enter the house, following her with his violet eyes until she disappeared down the hall. She looked tired, maybe too tired for him to ask to talk with her tonight. The others would be home soon, anyway; and this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with all of them around. It wasn't their business for once. He heard the door shut to her room and sighed. All he needed was a little courage and he could put his plan into motion. 

His plan to 'fix' Willow. 

 

The idea had been sparked, as he had lain awake in bed the night before, trying to sort through what he knew about the woman he had already come to care about. All of her sadness and insecurity seemed to be centered on the one awful thing she could admit to ever doing. He understood why she would feel guilty, sad even. But she was unable to let it go. She said that there was no way to undo what she had done but, in his mind, there had to be a way to fix what was wrong. Everything could be fixed eventually if you tried hard enough. If he didn't believe that he would have given up in his own life so long ago. 

 

So he was just going to have to ask Anita about it and hope Willow didn't decide to never speak to him again after he was done disclosing her innermost secrets. It was the least he could do for her after she had done nothing short of promise to help him get over his own problems. 

 

Hell, she had even offered to handcuff him - wasn't that worth asking Anita for a favor in and of itself? 

 

"Nathaniel, I know something's wrong. Just come here and tell me." 

 

The wereleopard blushed, hearing the voice come from the back of the house. He stood from the couch, making his way to Anita's room. He forgot sometimes about the bond his Nimir-Ra shared with not just himself, but the rest of the pack as well. Micah was the same way, though he was less likely to pry into others' affairs. Anita had re-opened her door and was waiting for him by the time he reached her room. "Was I that obvious?" 

 

"Well you don't usually stalk me with your eyes the moment I get home from work, no." The Executioner smirked. She patted the spot next to her on the bed, inviting him to sit and talk. "And you're just radiating tension. So tell me, what's bugging you?" 

 

He sat down next to her, sighing in contentment when she chose to run her hand up and down his leg. It wasn't a sexual thing. Far from it. Merely another way that those in the pard took comfort. To be near her was to be near a constant source of comfort. She was home to them, from the strongest such as Micah, down to the most broken like himself. 

 

"Would you say that there's a way to undo anything that's been done by magic?" 

 

Anita looked at him askance. The question was puzzling to say the least; it certainly wasn't something she would have expected to hear from Nathaniel. "At one point I would have said no. But now, I'm not so sure. I haven't found anything that couldn't be undone yet if that's what you're asking." 

 

"Sort of." He conceded. "I know someone who did something really awful and she wants to make it right. She did it when she wasn't in the right frame of mind and it hurt two people that she cared for." 

 

"Willow?" 

 

He nodded. "Before she came here she found her lover in bed with one of her friends. She acted out of anger and cursed them never to love or know love again. It was wrong, and she knows it. She learned her lesson and so did they - but she can't undo it. She says it isn't possible." 

 

"It may not be." Anita sighed. It didn't bother her that the girl had skeletons in her closet. No, what bothered her was the fact that Nathaniel was sitting here, eyes so sad, pratically begging her to make this right and she didn't know if she could. "Curses are strange things. They're not really spells, more like prayers to whatever demons or deities are on call at the time. Sometimes those malevolent, or beneficial, spirits don't want to release the curse when all is said and done. And sometimes the curse comes with stipulations that may never be met." 

 

"But I don't want her to be sad about this anymore." 

 

That made Anita pause. The way he said it. "You like her a lot, don't you?" 

 

He nodded. "She makes me feel special, Nimir-Ra. She doesn't look at me like I'm a freak. Not because of what I am or what I like." 

 

"You told her? All of it?" 

 

Again he nodded. 

 

She took a moment to digest the information he had given her. "You're moving pretty fast with her, you know that, right?" 

 

His eyes took on a frantic look. "We haven't done anything - " 

 

"I didn't mean 'fast' like -that-." She laughed. "I meant in the emotion department, Nathaniel. I don't want to see you get hurt." 

 

For the first time in what seemed like forever he was able to look into her eyes and say with certainty. "I won't. It may seem strange, but I feel a connection to her. Maybe whoever is up there looking out for us bad little kitties decided to send me a blessing. Because that's what she is, Anita." 

 

She nodded, her dark hair shaking with the motion. Who was she to deny love at first sight? Isn't that what she had more or less found with both Jean-Claude and Richard? True, neither of those relationships had been without pain. But that's what love was - pain and pleasure. It was a delicate dance between longing and hurting. If Nathaniel felt like he had found his match, then so be it. She was definitely nicer than most of the other girls he had ever brought home. 

 

But what about her problem? 

 

"I'll see what I can find out about curses and the like." She said finally, holding up a hand to silence him when he prepared to overwhelm her with gratitude. "Don't get your hopes up, though. She may be right when she says that these things can't be undone." 

 

"Thank you, Anita." 

 

She nodded, watching him leave the room. 

 

"Oh and, Nathaniel? I really hope she's the one for you. Really." She meant it. Every single word. 

 

He smiled and the expression was radiant with his happiness. 

 

"Me too."


	6. Fixing What's Broken

Willow knew something was wrong the second she opened the door to her apartment and saw Nathaniel standing there. She swung the door wide, inviting him in without saying a word. Closing it, she turned to find him standing in the center of her living room, eyes downcast, a sad look on his face. 

 

"Sit." She smiled encouragingly, wondering no small amount why he was acting so sad. She waited for him to sit before taking a seat of her own, on the couch next to him. The muscles in his shoulders were tense, readily apparent through the white cloth of the tank top he was wearing. It looked good on him, but most things did. In fact, no clothes at all looked good on him too. 

 

"What's wrong?" There, she had asked. His violet eyes turned to her, staring so hard into her own green orbs that she felt as though he were trying to see into her soul. That was impossible, she knew; but still, that's what she felt. It almost seemed as though he was trying to tell her something without even opening his mouth. 

 

"You're going to be mad at me." 

 

He said it with such certainty, such conviction, that Willow had to sit back and just look at him for a long moment. She had no clue what he could have done that would make her mad at him. Even if he had gone off with another woman she didn't really have the right to be upset; he wasn't technically her boyfriend, just a guy that had taken her out on a few dates. Though, she had sorta been hoping he would remedy that whole non-boyfriend situation soon. 

 

"What happened, Nathaniel?" 

 

A sigh escaped from his parted lips and again sad eyes turned towards Willow. 

"I asked Anita to try to find a way to fix what you did wrong. The curse." 

 

"You... what?" She whispered, her eyes wide with horror. "Oh, goddess. And now she doesn't want you to see me anymore, right? I don't blame her. I'm an awful person. I didn't deserve someone as nice as you. Should never have tried to be happy. Not with that hanging over my head." 

 

The wereleopard watched as her face crumbled, breaking into tears before he could say anything to deny what she was saying. He was too caught up in her words to even mount an argument until she had finished speaking. And, aside from the hypnotic effect of the babble, it was cute. 

 

Very cute. 

 

"No, no." He shook his head, a smile creeping slowly across his face. "She didn't forbid me to see you. She's actually going to try to help out." 

 

"Really?" Willow breathed, her tears tapering off almost as quickly as they had come. 

 

Nathaniel nodded, giving her an odd look. 

 

"You're not mad that I told Anita?" 

 

Willow shrugged, but her face was calm, much calmer than it had been only moments before. 

 

"I'm a little peeved that you didn't discuss it with me first." She admitted. "But I'm not upset with you. Not when you were only trying to help me out. But next time," She smirked. "Ask me first if its okay to tell Anita about my private problems. Okay?" 

 

"Yes ma'm." He murmured, instinctively falling into the role of a submissive to a dominant. She had told him to do something and she was much more assertive than he was. It was only habit. 

 

"Ma'm?" Willow chuckled. "I think I like the sound of that." 

 

He shivered with delight under the feelings her words brought out in him. She was only playing, of course, but to him it was oh so much more serious. He wouldn't mind having her as a top. Not if she could handle it with the responsibility such a position needed. In fact, he knew she would be good for him, not take it too far. But she needed to want it just as much as he did for things to work. Otherwise it would all end badly. This wasn't a game, after all, it was his life. 

 

"Ma'm." He grinned, his eyes meeting hers for only a second before returning to the floor. "Anything you want from me, ma'm?" 

 

Willow pondered the question for a moment, a sly smile curving across her lips. 

"A kiss." 

 

"A kiss?" He asked, confused. Of all the things she could ask of him; all she wanted was a kiss? Not being one to turn down a request, and certainly not wanting to disappoint the woman he had already come to care very much for, he closed the distance between them on the couch, pulling her into his arms. Their lips met and it was hesitant at first, soft and gentle. 

 

And then she changed the feeling of it entirely. 

 

She opened her mouth wider, kissing him hard and rough. It felt good. Very good. Before she could stop herself she had placed her hands on the front of his shirt, balling the silk into her hands. The smoothness was cool and soft, decadent in every sense of the word. She sighed into his mouth, her tongue dancing delicately with his own. 

 

"Don't you - " He stopped, cut off by another breathtaking kiss. After another long moment of interaction that left him longing and yearning for something more, he tried again. "Don't you want to know what Anita said?" 

 

The red head paused in her physical assault of the auburn haired man, a confused look on her face. Then she remembered. He had asked Anita if there was any way to help her undo the curse she had placed on her friends. 

 

"Of course! Tell me?" 

 

He smiled gently. "Well, she couldn't say much other than nothing is impossible but this might be unattainable. But -" He held up a hand to ward off the sad look that was threatening to break out across her pretty features. "But she will look into it and let me know. There's hope." 

 

"Just not much." Her smile was sad now. "Don't worry. I've dealt with it for this long, I'll still manage." 

 

"But I don't want to see you sad anymore." He whispered. 

 

She sighed. "Nathaniel, being with you makes me happy, even if I don't deserve a minute of it. I'll always have this hanging over my head, though. Even if Anita finds a way to undo it, I'll still live every day knowing I did it in the first place. That's just the price we pay for our mistakes in life." 

 

He arched an eyebrow, daring a look into her eyes. "So you'll always be unhappy?" 

 

Red hair swung from side to side as she shook her head. "No. Not necessarily. But, on the other hand, I'll never let myself forget either. And that's so that I don't make the same mistake twice." 

 

That was understandable, though he didn't like the fact that she would have that to think about for the rest of her life even if they managed to get it reversed. He could understand not wanting to duplicate a mistake of that nature, though. It was an awful one and if they managed to undo it they would have done nothing short of a miracle. 

 

And then it dawned on him. Something she had said in response to one of the comments he had made. 

 

"Do I really make you happy?" 

 

She blushed, giving him a meaningful look despite the pinkness creeping across her face. It wasn't possible for them to go all the way. Not yet, any way. First she needed to do a little research into the type of things Nathaniel was used to; see if there was even the smallest chance that she could try to be what he needed her to be. And then there was the fact that he was a wereleopard. She wasn't so naïve that she didn't know what happened when a shifter reached climax. 

 

They shifted. 

 

And she needed to figure out a way for herself to come out of the experience alive and still as human as she was at that moment. Okay, so the human part didn't really matter. She had no problems with the furry and, being around Nathaniel, it was really only a matter of time anyway before one of them slipped up and she was scratched. But the alive thing - now that was pretty necessary. 

Leaning forward until her lips were almost touching his, so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath across her face, she whispered. 

 

"Do you really need me to answer that question?"


	7. Fixing What's Broken

It took, all told, nearly a week and countless people to actually come up with an answer to the dilemma Willow was facing. In the end, the resulting research circled the globe a few times, passing from hand to hand, each an expert in one field of metaphysical studies or another, until finally Anita could say that she had the best, if not only, solution. 

 

And there *was* a solution, something she had been surprised to learn. When the search had taken more than a few days she had found herself rapidly loosing hope. By the end of two days she had assured herself that even if there was no true way to fix what had been done, she would at least try to help Nathaniel's chosen work through her guilt issues. The third day of waiting had rolled around and she had become even more convinced that this was futile. A few more days, she had told herself, and then she would make the calls necessary to halt the search and let everyone involved go back to their normal lives. 

 

But then the call had came. 

 

She stared down at the notepad in her hand, reading over the notes she had made during her call with Marianne; a call that had taken nearly an hour. If it weren't for her, the vergamor of Verne's pack, it was quite possible that she would still be searching for the answer. But one phone call to Marianne had set things in motion that even now Anita was awed at. The vast network the older woman knew was far beyond her own, limited, circle of knowledge. It included people in fields that Anita had only read about, and a few that she had never even heard of before. And Marianne held access to all of that knowledge. 

 

Perhaps one of the reasons Marianne was Verne's pack's wise woman? 

 

Anita's eyes were again drawn to her notes and she found herself amazed at how much of this ritual called for Willow simply wanting it to happen. It was a vastly different magical style than the Executioner herself was used to. Then again, she was a necromancer and Willow most certainly wasn't. The red head was a witch. A very powerful one, but still nothing more than a witch. And, as such, Marianne's area of expertise. 

 

"Once she has the layout in place, she must simple entreat the beneficial spirits of the realm to answer her pleas, to come to her aid, as it were. She called up powerful magic to curse them, she must call up equally powerful magic to fix it all. And she must -want- this with all of her heart. There must be no doubt in her that what she is doing is what she really and truly desires. If there is doubt it will not come to fruition. It will all be for naught. And the spirits do not often listen a second time." 

 

The dark haired woman shook her head, amazed at how well she could hear Marianne's voice if she just thought back to what she had been saying. That had been merely a portion of a lecture that had last the better part of an hour. It had ended with Anita thanking the woman profusely and hanging up to think over what had been said. 

 

She had found herself thinking for the dozenth time that maybe Willow's former friends got what they deserved. They were cheaters, after all. And didn't cheaters deserve nothing less than a lifetime of loneliness? They had stolen the love of another through their careless actions. Did they truly deserve for Willow to give them back that which they had lost? 

 

The more she had thought about it, however, the more she had been inclined to think otherwise. They had made a mistake. No reason for them to have it hanging over their heads for the rest of their lives. Hopefully they would have learned a lesson from it all by now. And it wasn't as though they would ever truly have Willow's friendship back again. That was the one thing they didn't deserve. 

 

A glance at the clock told her that Nathaniel would still be out. It was a Saturday, a nice sunny, bright one. Perfect for picnicking in the park. Or so he had said that morning when he went to pick up Willow. The way he was doting on her was cute. 

 

And it made him less dependent on herself, which was also a plus. She had been looking for something to get him to show some assertiveness, and it appeared that Willow just may be it. The red head seemed to enjoy being with him, as well. So it was all that much for the better. 

 

Though her next duty as Nimir-Ra was going to have to be asking Willow her intentions with Nathaniel. He was already so broken inside. It wouldn't do to have someone unnecessarily hurt him. And what about more physical matters? She envied Richard and his Eros and Eranthe positions at that moment. There was no equivalent in her pard. She was going to have to sit down with Willow and Nathaniel all by herself and have the talk about the birds and the bees. 

 

Or the wereleopards and the humans, as it were. 

 

'Or maybe I can get Micah to do it.' She mused, setting her pad of paper on the counter. Yeah, that was it. Micah could talk with them. He had less qualms about discussing sex than she did. Hopefully he'd be able to say what needed to be said; whereas she would end up a blushing wreck before she got halfway into it all. And that wasn't very good for her credibility as a leader; blushing and all that. 

 

She yawned and stretched, deciding there was enough time for a nap before Nathaniel or the others were due back. It would be nice to get the bed to herself for once; being able to stretch out while sleeping really did have its merits. 

 

And when she woke they could tackle the problems of one red haired witch and undo one helluva curse. 

 

Sounded like a fun night already.


	8. Fixing What's Broken

"So... all I have to do is pray really hard, say a few words, light some candles and want it a whole lot. Do I have it right?" 

 

Anita smirked. The way the witch in front of her managed to simplify everything was adorable in a little girl type of way. In most people that would annoy the hell out of her. In Willow it was just what it was supposed to be - cute. 

 

"Yep. Lots of wishing and praying." 

 

The red head laughed, the sound echoing through her small living room. 

"That seems almost too easy. Why didn't I think of that?" 

 

"Because, like me, you were probably looking for something a lot more complicated." Anita grinned. 

 

Willow nodded. "Hard to believe something that caused that much pain can be done away with a little hoping and wishing." 

 

"Don't forget the praying." Nathaniel chuckled. His left hand rubbed idly at Willow's back, more for his own peace of mind than her own. A sense of excitement radiated from her the more she talked with Anita about what needed to be done. She had said that she would never forgive herself for what she had done, but just seeing her here, like this, he couldn't help but believe she'd get over it, at least a little. 

 

"Wow." Willow muttered, bowing her head into her hands. It was too much all at once. To be told that the answer to her greatest mistake was only a short ritual away. Hopefully. Anita had been very clear on the fact that this was a not a sure thing. In fact, it was a one time shot from what she understood. Either it worked now or she went on with her life as she had been in the first place, regretting every minute of her actions and wishing with all her might to be able to make things better. 

 

But wouldn't it be nice to know that she had made things right? Even if she still regretted it for the rest of her life? Wouldn't it be nice to know that she had done everything in her power and given them back what they, truthfully, didn't deserve in the first place? It would make her just a little better in karma, after all. 

 

Wasn't atonement grand? 

 

Anita watched the emotions pass over Willow's face, hiding a smile. It was almost as though the witch had convinced herself somehow, somewhere, that she deserved to be miserable for the rest of her life because of what she had done. Now that she had a way out of that misery it was too much for her. What would it be like to wake up in the morning and not have to put on that shroud of guilt that she had worn every single day for so long? Anita couldn't begin to imagine what it was like, the only thing that came close was the guilt she felt over how she had reacted to Richard changing. And even that was something she only dealt with when she saw him. She didn't carry it around and force herself to deal with it every waking moment. 

 

"So - do you want to try?" The Executioner asked quietly. She quickly added, "If you want to think it over, do it. Because this could be a one time shot. You need to make sure you are ready to put your everything into it when the time comes." 

 

Willow nodded thoughtfully. "I want to try it, definitely. But not tonight. Not right now. I need some time to prepare myself mentally for it. No sense rushing in and spoiling the one chance I might have." 

 

"Good idea." Anita smiled. She glanced at the clock on the DVD player, knowing fully well what time it was. "I have to get going now, guys. Work calls. Burt'll be pissed if I miss my first appointment." 

 

The red head snickered. "Doesn't take much to upset him, does it?" 

 

Anita shook her head. "Was nice meeting you again." She turned her attention to Nathaniel. "Micah is expecting the two of you later tonight. I'll see you when I get home." 

 

Willow waited patiently for Anita, shutting the door behind the dark haired woman, to leave before pouncing on Nathaniel with the question. 

 

"Why are we going to see Micah?" 

 

Nathaniel blushed, bending his head down so that his hair fell in front of his face, hiding the pink tint to his skin. "Uh - he wants to talk with us. You, mainly." 

 

A crease appeared in the center of her forehead, between her eyebrows. "Why?" 

 

"It's nothing, really." He stammered. "Something that's done whenever a member of a pard, or pack, is dating a human." 

 

Willow could tell by how flustered her was that she wasn't going to like the topic of conversation, though for the life of her she couldn't figure out what it would be. 

 

"Is this going to be the part where they warn me that if I ever hurt you they'll kill me painfully?" She joked. "Because, if so, there's no need. I won't ever hurt you." 

 

He shook his head, managing to smile despite the situation he had found himself in so rapidly. "No. Nothing like that. Something far different." 

 

She sighed. "C'mon, Nathaniel. Just spit it out. I'm not going to be mad at you." 

 

"Sex." 

 

That brought Willow up short. 

 

"Run that by me again? This time with an explanation?" 

 

The wereleopard turned his violet eyes to his girlfriend. "He's going to give us the lecture about the dangers of sex with a shifter and how to be careful. They don't want to see you get hurt." 

 

"He's going to - " She blushed, her face heating up as though she had just been put under a thousand watt heat bulb. This is what she had to look forward to later tonight? Her day had just gone from good to embarrassing. She had never even met Micah before, had only heard about him in idle conversation from Nathaniel; and now she was supposed to listen to a talk on sex from him? Despite the fact that she had recently taken up going to strip clubs, Willow was still very much of a prude when it came to certain things. 

 

And this was one of them. 

 

"Oh Goddess."


	9. Fixing What's Broken

Willow sat down hesitantly across from Micah, trying not to blush under the weight of his gaze alone. The air was thick with tension, and she was a hundred percent sure that it was all hers. Nathaniel certainly looked calm. As did Micah. The other members of the pard were, thankfully, no where to be seen; though she doubted they were very far away. They were a family and family stayed close together. 

 

'Probably in one of the back bedrooms.' She acknowledged. 

 

"So - you're probably wondering why I called you here." Micah began, meeting Willow's eyes. The aura of her power vibrated around her, pulsing in time with her heart. She was nervous, anxious. 

 

"No." Willow said, blushing. "I know why I'm here. I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible if you don't mind. This isn't the type of thing I like discussing with strangers." 

 

That brought Micah up short. From what he understood, Nathaniel had met Willow in a strip club. He had assumed, simply by the fact that she was dating the auburn haired wereleopard, that her own tastes were just as varied and exotic as Nathaniel's. Yet, here she was, trembling with embarrassment over one little conversation? Maybe he had overestimated her entirely. 

 

"I'm sorry." He said simply. "But this really is for your own safety. As well as Nathaniel's." 

 

Willow nodded. 

 

"And that's the only reason I'm here. So can we please get on with it?" Her patience was becoming strained. Too much time had passed in her life since she had ever been under such intense, embarrassing scrutiny. 

 

"Yes, please, Nimir-raj." Nathaniel murmured, his own eyes pleading with Micah to make this as easy as possible on the easily embarrassed red head. 

 

"Of course." The alpha male nodded. He took a deep breath and began. 

 

"I'm not going to lecture you on the birds and the bees, Willow. I'll assume that you know that much about life, right?" 

 

"I'm not a child." She laughed. 

 

"No, you're not. And that's good. I would never trust a child to have a relationship with a shifter. So, since you're not a child - I think you'll be mature enough to be able to handle all of the responsibility being with Nathaniel entails." 

 

"Firstly, on the matter of him being a shifter; wereleopards are not nearly as contagious in our animal forms as werewolves are. If you get scratched or bitten, it doesn't mean you're going to be infected. This isn't a reason to be lax when it comes to safety when you and Nathaniel are - " 

 

"I get the point!" She exclaimed softly, holding up a hand. "I need to be careful when we're intimate. Right. Got that." 

 

Micah smirked. 

 

"Okay then. The next thing is the act itself. You need to be very careful when the two of you are - physical. He has more strength than you can imagine and could hurt you without realizing it." 

 

"That's where the handcuffing me to the bed will come in handy." Nathaniel murmured in her ear, grinning when she shivered. 

 

"Handcuffs won't hold." Micah argued. 

 

"Magic." The red head mumbled. "Magically enhanced handcuffs." 

 

The Nimir-Raj blinked in surprise. This girl really was full of all sorts of surprises. That one comment gave him hope that the next part of the conversation would go well, too. 

 

"Okay. So - we've got the first parts covered." He grinned. "Now for the last. Nathaniel has told you about his past? About Gabriel and Raina?" 

 

The red head nodded slowly. She remembered those names from what he had said. They were the sick bastards who had shaped Nathaniel into what he was now. A submissive that was too broken to know when to stop. She hoped that one day he would be 'better', and that was her ultimate goal. 

 

"So you're aware of what his needs are?" 

 

Again she found herself blushing. "I -do- have access to the internet, Micah. I've read up on the type of stuff that Nathaniel was into. Can't say I'll be able to help him with the pain part. I hate causing pain. But - I think I can assist him with the other needs." 

 

By the time she had finished speaking her face had turned a startling shade of bright pink. She was so hot that she felt like she might faint at any time. Thankfully, it appeared that her inquisition was over. She almost keeled over in relief when Micah spoke his next words. 

 

"Good." He reached out, patting her hand. "I know this is hard for you - but this is what life is like in a pard. There are no secrets. If you're going to be with Nathaniel, you're going to have to get used to pard life." 

 

Willow nodded. 

 

"I don't mind. You guys are like one big family to each other. I'm glad that Nathaniel has that kind of support." 

 

There was something in her eyes that told Micah she had been too long without that kind of support for herself. It was a bitter lack of sparkle and a sadness to her tone that gave him the insight that maybe she had been alone too long; and made him wonder if she had ever really had a 'family' before that time. 

 

"You're always welcome in this family, Willow." Micah smiled gently. "If you ever want to join us for real -" He let the invitation trail off, unsure how she would react to him basically inviting her to get infected. He didn't even know why he had made the offer; it was certainly unlike him. Maybe it was that soft sense of sadness that he saw in her eyes. It was a lot like what he had seen in his own pack member's eyes at different points; the need to be loved and be part of a group was strong, not just in shifters, but in humans as well. 

 

"Thanks." Willow smiled. "One day I might even take you up on that." 

 

Nathaniel looked from Micah to Willow and then back to his Nimir-Raj again, knowing that something important was taking place. Micah had accepted her as a member of their family, their pard, without making her a member of the pard. Yet, he had also given her an open invitation to join the pard. He smiled, knowing that a major step towards fixing Willow once and for all had just been taken. 

 

She was going to be alright, after all. 

 

And if that was the case for her, he had a good feeling it would be the same for him, as well.


	10. Fixing What's Broken

**Willow, 

 

Hey bestest bud of mine. Was great to get that letter in the mail from you the other day. I agree, we really should keep in contact more often than we have been. I miss you; miss those good old days back in Sunnydale. No - I don't miss Sunnydale itself. Just those days we used to have. Back when we were still young and innocent, you know? 

 

Anya says for me to say 'Hello' and to see if you need any vengeance worked. She took up a job as a vengeance demon again, I don't think I told you that yet. It all came about in a really whacked out way and I'll have to tell you about it sometime. In person. Face to face. 

 

Can we come visit? 

 

I meant what I said, I miss you, Wills. We should never have lost contact the way we have. So - just let me know if An and I can come over and visit. I hear that St.Louis is an interesting place to live. Okay - so I'm making that up. I really don't know anything about St.Louis other than the fact that the Master of the City is dating the Executioner. That's an odd pairing, don't you think? 

Speaking of pairings, odd or not. Way to go, Wills. Nice to see that you've finally found someone that makes you happy. He *does* make you happy, right? Otherwise, like I said, Anya's available for all things vengeance-y. She could probably find a really neat way to make sure he was a -bald- leopard next time he shifts. You're being careful with him, right? I don't mind you turning furry one day, but the idea of him accidentally killing is a lot to swallow. Be safe for me, k? 

 

I heard from Her the other day. Not sure where she got my number, but there she was, on the other end of the line when I said 'hello'. She wanted to know if you'd done anything recently to reverse what you did so long ago. Says she has started feeling things again, things she thought she'd never be able to feel again. I told her I didn't know and that if the curse had worn off Anya would be happy to redo it. She hung up real quick-like. If you uncursed them, way to go on the path to redemption. They don't deserve it, of course, but you don't deserve a life time of guilt, either. 

 

Anyway. Call me. You know the number. I want to get together sometime. Me, you, An and your boy toy. 

 

Love Ya, 

 

Xander** 

 

Willow put down the letter, smiling at the piece of paper with Xander's oh-so-familiar scrawl all over it in black pen. The letter was short, as were most of the correspondences she had received from him over the years, but this one was very much welcomed and heartfelt. It had the words she needed to hear written all over it. He was happy for her. 

 

And he had heard from Buffy. The ritual had worked. The gods had heard her plea and had decided to answer. At least in Buffy's case. There was no reason for her to assume it hadn't worked for Tara, also, though. 

 

"What's with the smiles?" 

 

She looked up, her smile widening at the sight of Nathaniel, still clad only in an over-sized t-shirt despite the fact that it was after one in the afternoon, a time when most people saw fit to seek clothing. He was gorgeous and he was all hers. The thought made her feel good, possessive. 

 

Nathaniel smiled seductively down at her, brushing a lock of hair from her face. 

"You have that look in your eyes." 

 

"What look is that?" She questioned, trying to look as innocent as possible. 

"The look that says those handcuffs that are still wrapped around the bedposts might be put to further use." 

 

Willow shivered as his breath tickled her ear, his lips trailing down her neck as he finished speaking. 

 

"Up all night and still want more?" She murmured. "You really are insatiable, you know that, right?" 

 

He shrugged and gave her a wicked leer. At one point he would have apologized for wanting so much or being so 'insatiable', as she had said. He would have said his 'sorries' and gone off to sulk until his master or mistress called for him again. Those times seemed so far in the past now. He still enjoyed a little bit of roughness, as evidenced by those very same handcuffs he had only just mentioned, but it wasn't what he needed anymore. Not after a full month with Willow by his side and in his bed. He had even made the move from Anita's house to Willow's. Even with his new found assertiveness he had no desire to live on his own, that just wasn't the way of the pard. 

 

"Or maybe you're just so good that I can't get enough." 

 

Now that was a thought Willow could live with. A man not being able to get enough of her. It was definitely a first in her life. She stood up, grabbing his hand and tugging him through her apartment, towards the bedroom. A wrong movement brought a hiss of pain to her lips, the scratch on her side stretching more than was comfortable. It was a side effect of the choice she had made only a few days before. 

 

To join the pard. 

 

Once and for all. 

 

The scratch had been made by Micah, with Anita supervising to make sure nothing got out of hand. Though there was no guarantee that she would be joining them on the full moon, it still made her feel one step closer to having that family she wanted so much in her heart of hearts. 

 

"You okay?" Nathaniel asked, eyeing the wound carefully. It had already healed more than a normal human's skin would have within the two days since it had been made. That boded well for her chances of shifting in a week, with the full moon. But that didn't mean that it wasn't still painful to her. If there had been any other way to infect her with his form of lycanthropy he would have chosen it rather than see her go through any form of pain. But that was it - a scratch or a bite. And biting was out of the question. Knowing that they wouldn't have to be careful much longer only served to bring out his lust further. 

 

"I'm fine." She grinned, pushing him back lightly on the bed. A growl rose from his chest, but it wasn't anything to be worried about. A sign of passion, not of hunger or anger. She could see his beast lurking beneath his eyes and felt something in her own body answer it, ever so slightly. It felt good, and scary at the same time. Big changes were coming up in her near future. But not right now. Not in this bed on this day, of that she was sure. 

 

"You have the early shift at the club tonight, right?" 

 

Nathaniel nodded, feeling the magically enhanced handcuffs snap into place. He tested the strength of them, nodding that they were secure. 

 

"Gotta be there by five." He agreed. 

 

Willow glanced at the clock. One thirty. That still gave them plenty of time. 

Plenty of time, indeed. 

 

~*~The End~*~


End file.
